That Big Fat Super Zero

A 21st century phenomena

This unseemly hunger man has

For this age’s plethora of ‘super heroes’

A fascination spreading like a fungus we can’t shake

Not for unsung heroes of uncommon courage

Or athletic prowess or simple kindness or generosity

But the kind that blasts it’s ‘super-ness’

Across the big-screens of the world’s theaters

Huge, bulging-muscled, flying, bunker-busting ‘heroes’

Fantastical in their created ‘Alternate Realities’

Movie-makers have conjured up quite a slate

Superman, Batman, Iron Man, Spider Man, X-men

The Flash, The Hulk, Thing, Silver Surfer and Thor

Captain America,  Wolverine, Daredevil and more

Including the most recent old-time hero

A resurrected and re-tooled Wonder Woman

A Year-of-the-Woman she-ro!

But now, there’s an unlikely spoiler in this group

Probably the greatest AR ‘superman’ of them all

Variously called Father Christmas, St. Nick

Santa Claus

Or, as I like to call him

Satan Claws

For not one of the aforementioned ‘supers’ above

Can match Mr. Claws’ super-amazing feat

To deliver a slew of toys in the same short night

Many even artfully wrapped!

To all 3 billion children upon the Earth

I’d guess all those other ‘super’ folks

Should maybe take a look and discern

That a costume change might be smart

For Mr. Santa/Satan’s unique style of note

Is the blood-red and baggy trouser

And a totally uncool foppish floppy hat

His ill-fitting boots do not hug his legs

But flop and droop about

Actually, I guess he looks the antithesis

Of what they’ve envisioned a movie ‘hero’

But what this thought-poem’s all about

Is that Mr. Satan Claws is

The Biggest Fattest Super ZERO!



By Jahgirl